Learning about tough love from a mother giraffe
What nature teaches us about parenting through its many stories
Scene 1
Neelima sighed as she saw her son Ashwin chide his 13 year old daughter Ishita again that Sunday morning.
Ashwin: “How many times does one need to remind you to keep your things in place! What a mess this is”
Ishita just raised her eyebrows and began picking her things up.
Ashwin: “How will you manage a family and job when you grow up! If you are a mess, everything else will be a mess too!”
Ishita: “Ah, there you go again, who told you I am leaving you to stay with someone else”
Ashwin: (smiling with sarcasm) “Oh sure, Papa is here to take care of his princess all his life. You do not understand dear, the world out there is tough and relentless. If you add troubles to your life, it will be tougher to make a life out there…”
Ishita: (interrupted her dad, mimicking him)…. “time and tide wait for nobody…”
Ashwin shook his head as he walked away. Ishaan, 7 year-old younger sibling, clung to his book as he absorbed the intense discussion.
As Ashwin sunk into his armchair, his mother Neelima brought him a cup of coffee and comforted him - “It is ok. She will learn. Don’t worry”.
Scene 2
It was post dinner TV time where Ashwin and his two kids were curled up on the sofa watching animal documentaries. The episode was about the vagaries of life on the African Savannah.
The particular scene of mother giraffe prodding her new born baby intrigued them. As the just-born infant struggled to stand up, its mother kept nudging it with its head. Nudge became a prod, then a push and finally when the baby did not stand up, its mother began literally kicking it.
At first, the baby did not seem to notice the kick, but as the kicks kept coming in softer and then harder, it had no choice but to stand on its feet and prance around to escape it. She was no more the loving mother cuddling it, she had become a strict rule master.
Ishaan struggled to comprehend this and asked quizzically - “Papa, why is mama giraffe doing that? Isn’t she supposed to love her baby?”
Ashwin smiled and asked Ishaan - “Do you remember what we saw 2 weeks back? When a pride of lions attacked a tall giraffe for their meal?”
Ishaan’s eyes widened as he recollected the intense hunt where pride of lions chased the scampering giraffe and a lioness leaped onto its neck and brought it down. The giraffe was many times taller, kicked hard but the pride won eventually.
Ashwin continued - “Well, the same pride of lions, if it had a change to attack again, would they choose to attack a tall giraffe or a baby giraffe? Which one is easier to hunt?”
Ishaan paused to think, struggled to decide and then asked softly - “.. the baby?”
Ashwin nodded slowly - “Yes, sadly yes. This is what the mama giraffe knows and so she does everything to make her little one ready for the harsh reality. Only when the infant can walk, it can run and only when it runs fast it can escape a predator, isn’t it?”
As the kids absorbed this, Ashwin sensed the timing right to take the learning further
“…for the outside world, the mother giraffe seems harsh, almost unloving. But the mother knows that cuddling the baby for long will only make it weaker. Every evening when the sun sets a predator is hungry and it hunts the weakest option. The mother has to keep its love aside to make sure the baby survives, else what use is the love!”
“Similarly, a parent has to keep its soft heart aside to be tough on the child. Tough to ensure it grows strong to withstand the vagaries of life. To the observer, it may seem tough, but it is love…”
Silently, next to Ashwin, a tear slipped Ishita’s eye as she hugged her father’s arm a little more tightly.
Wonderful Analogy !!! Good to see that Tough Love is not gender specific . Even a mother can love like Father at times .